im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize