the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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