With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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