There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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