wakey wakey hands off snakey
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
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