I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
