why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
