She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
