I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize