Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
