I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
