The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
