this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
