Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
