Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
