Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
