I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
