didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
