FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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