I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
