I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
