; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
