i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
