this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
