yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
