he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
