Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Come share oat with me in your robe
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
