I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
