Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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