I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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