Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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