dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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