haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
