Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
