Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
