he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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