just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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