Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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