just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Randomize
