I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
