she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
