he thought i was a dude.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
