well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
