I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Randomize
