there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
