Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Randomize
