I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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