You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
