In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
