I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize