Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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