I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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