haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
