She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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