If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
