Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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