i think my mom watched the whole time
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
