Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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