I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
