i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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