Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
