So drunk its hurt
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
