I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
