Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I didn't notice because vodka
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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