If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
