Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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