So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
