I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
