Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I believe in your delicious
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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