I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
