It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
