Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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