If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
