I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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