Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
