Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
