Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
