My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
