my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
