WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
