Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I woke up under a house in Key West
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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