you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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