1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize