I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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