Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
