Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
