should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
