you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
