I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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