moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
did i walk over a car last night?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
