my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize