is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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