as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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