The beer is more important than you right now.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
