how can u be prego again
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
