there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
