I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
