I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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