My room smells like vodka and shame
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I will pee on everything he values.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize