im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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