The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
