At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
