have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
