Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
