FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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