college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
