i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
